Religious jargon and messages condemning the victim does not help resolve the injured child within the man. Time does not heal all wounds or the child in the man would be whole. Telling a victim they are not a victim is a waste of time and an oxymoron. The only way to resolve the child in the man is forgiveness. Forgiveness of the perpetrator(s) and of the child.

It may sound strange to say the child is a victim and also to say, “Forgive the child,” but the man needs to forgive the child for not being able to fend-off the perpetrator(s). Many times the man cannot make sense of the child’s memories that has caused the wound. In the dark recesses of the mind the child blames the child and the man retains the guilt and shame. The man needs to forgive the child, and ask the child in them to forgive the child. Place the shame and guilt where it belongs, on the perpetrator(s).

Once your mind has placed the shame and guilt with the perpetrator(s), forgive the perpetrator(s). The man needs to do this within himself. He may feel a need to face the perpetrator(s), but forgiveness needs to start within first. When Jesus forgave the people who put Him on the cross, He did so in prayer to the Father. He didn’t wait for the perpetrators to ask for forgiveness. He gave the forgiveness while still suffering the cross. The man should not try to outwait the suffering before forgiving.

The man also needs to forgive himself. Again, it sounds strange to say condemning the victim does not help resolve the child and then say to the man needs to forgive the man. The man needs to forgive himself, not as if he was a perpetrator, but for not being able to protect the child. It is illogical to assume he could since he was the child, but don’t expect the wounded to always be logical. The man is trying to think as a man with the thoughts of the child.

Now here is the strangest sounding forgiveness statement of all. Forgive God. God was not the perpetrator, but God was God so why didn’t He protect the child. The battle belongs to the Lord. God gave mankind choice and has not taken choice away. Mankind chooses to do mind-numbing harm to one another in our exercising of choice. We cannot have both choice and complete restraint from an outside source. When the child, the perpetrator(s), and the man have been forgiven from the heart, forgive God.

© 2018 Tim D. Coulter Sr.